It’s no wonder we need to upgrade our computers on a regular basis. Not only are chip companies regularly releasing ever-faster microprocessors, but new research has revealed that modern CPUs actually lose megahertz over time.

This startling conclusion follows a five-year research programme carried out by the Illyria University’s Information Technology department.

“Five years ago, we activated a dozen new, freshly-purchased systems,” said Computer Science Professor Asteio Artikolos. “Since then we have measured, on average, a 10-15 per cent reduction in the machines’ clock speeds over that time. It’s as if each machine’s stock of megahertz were somehow leaking away.

“Each year, we have added new, faster machines. Not only have these seen a similar reduction over time in the number of processing cycles available each second, but the rate of decrease is greater than older, slower microprocessors.”

Intel was unavailable for comment. AMD, however, claimed to be well aware of the problem and to be already designing processors capable of working beyond the limits of Einsteinian mathematics - with a negative temporal displacement facility built in.